I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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