what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
