And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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