Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
