i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
