If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
