Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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