i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
