North Korea, Best Korea!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
