Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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