i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
