She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
