My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
