youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
