yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
