Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's get the cat blown out
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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