I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
