I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think my mom watched the whole time
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
