I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
