I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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