All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
