so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
