Four minutes until I can fart!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
