end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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