His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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