Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
