I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
