omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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