I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
