its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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