What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
