You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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