AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
