i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
