Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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