I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
