seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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