Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
