also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
