it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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