Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
