There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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