I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
