i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
