If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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