I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
