I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
