I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
