Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
