My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
