Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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