He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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