Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize