I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
