After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who died my cat blue again?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
