New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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