So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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