Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
