The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
