were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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