Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
